Half Way

     I haven't written for a long time wow. Where do I even start? So since my last trip to the city, I haven't gone back for ministry yet. Things keep going wrong, with cars, timing, days, I don't even know. So that didn't work out to well. I was supposed to go to record somethings for Ricardo, but things just didn't work out! Now, sadly I'm eating cough drops religiously so I don't get the cough that is trying to creep up on me. I have been doing little things around the base, obviously cleaning everyday, haha, or typing up things for the base, or translating things, teaching, things along that line. Then it hit me, there had to be more than this. So I realized that I went to the market everyday with Licha, our wonderful cook to get the food for lunch. As I went there everyday I started to see how relationships could easily be made there. For example there is a girl named Erica who sells us vegetables and fruits. We talk every time I go! So I turned it into my personal ministry. The first day I went I passed out, I don't want to say tracks, but in a sense, like pretty designed "love notes" from God. It went over well. I then asked them what they thought about it, forgetting I'm not fluent in Spanish, yet somehow I understood. Things went so well, I went back to the base to set my next plan into motion. I wrote a survey, my friend Neitan, helped me translate, but it was an easy way to evangelize. So I did it, I made copies, and I even printed out the Lord's prayer in Spanish just in case. The next day I brought someone who kind of spoke English with me. We talked to a couple of people, and a guy named Fidel even gave his life to Jesus that day! It was great! Something I started because God told me to, and I was actually seeing God work through us! I try to go to the market everyday too!


     This weekend I went to Mexico City to go shopping with Licha and buy a few things for me and my friends back home. It was quite the trip. I saw amazing things, and soooo many people. I was shoved more times than I can count!!! I loved it though, there were street vendors, illegal street vendors, whenever the police came, they whipped up their stuff and ran! It was quite the experience, I even bought a Mexican blanket! I love it!


     Sunday, I actually gave my first teaching at Iglesia Christian Manantial Vida. I was asked to give three teachings for the next three Sundays. yesterday I taught 18 teenagers about relationships. It was AMAZING. They were really receptive, and asked questions, and they actually answered my questions. I didn't even get to finish my teaching and it was over an hour! The best part was, afterwards, some even told me how much my teaching had got them to think, how they actually received something from it. It was amazing because a lot of what I said wasn't off the paper, it was because I asked God what he wanted me to say. It was great! The next teaching is about cross-cultural relationships. That should be fun. I am realizing I actually love teaching! I really think being a youth leader would be a great idea. 


     About how I am right now. I'm struggling. Truth is, it's hard when you're in a different culture being the only one. I don't have anyone to really explain it to me, and I always find myself being in situations were I HAVE to speak Spanish. It's frustrating. At times I feel alone, I know I'm not, I know God is always there, but it's a battle. God is strengthening me now, when I feel these ways I know I should go to Him. He's sitting there waiting for me to cry for help. I'm realizing I'm stronger than I thought I was. God says He will NEVER give you more than you can handle and the way I view life is that whatever trial you face, something, SOMETHING, anything good will come of it. It may take a while, but ultimately something will, even if its as small as a realization, or a lesson. God is using me in ways I would have never imagined. I am His shining light, and I'm not gonna let my light fade. Even by my actions here, the people at the base tell me they can see my heart. Even though at times I'm dying to hear English or see a cheeseburger and not a taco, I know God put me here for a reason, and I'm not gonna give up until it's completed. Also, I'm fasting Facebook, so for those of you who watch my status', don't be offended, if you need me, e-mail me. I need to focus more on ministry not what is going on at home. 


     Please pray for me to focus, to hear God's voice clearly, for strength, compassion, and confidence! Thank you guys! :)

Learning Different Things

     Wow. That pretty much sums up what I'm thinking.  I have so much to say. Lets see. I came to Mexico thinking that I was going to save the world, yeah, you know, that mindset, I'm a missionary, show me what I'm going to work with, and what not, yeah, well, God had other plans. He usually does, I guess He's always trying to teach us or something. First I'm going to tell you about the past week, and then I'll tell you about my day yesterday. Sound good? Ok. So this past week has been pretty cool. I had three teachings so far and one today. Ironically, I can teach for a long time, who would have thought? I taught on spiritual gifts and strengths, cross-cultural ministries, compassion in your ministry, and today I'm talking about servant leadership. It’s great; I'm actually seeing what I learned in School of Ministry Development. They are at such a time right now, where literally everything is changing. I'm not kidding, so not only do I usually have no idea what's going on, they don't either. I think it's quite ironic that as they are changing their ministries and their focus on ministry, I'm here, helping them, and teaching them how to develop their ministries, it's as if someone had a great plan, GO FIGURE. They are switching up everything! So also, on top of teaching them, I'm teaching a couple people the piano, weird, because for those who have known me for a long time know, I HATED piano, now, I can't stay away from one. So I love music and God has definitely given me a passion for it, now I get to teach something I love! I sang worship, and played the piano, by myself for them because I sang in English, but then Ricardo who happens to have a band, asked me to sing back up for some of his tracks and that I'm going to go to record next week. I'm also playing the piano for a song; my name is already in the credits!  I'm learning how to cook, how to pretty much live here and not stick out like an American. I pretty much know my way around outside the base; I could get to the market, the bakery, the plaza, by myself. Hmm, I went to an actual mall, and got a krispy kreme doughnut, it made me miss America. :( But it was delicious. The base director wants to take me to Whitzi, I have no idea how to spell that, but it's more of an indigenous place, so that should be fun. I'm going to work with another youth group this weekend, and then I'm going to go talk at a high school. Crazy plans but sounds like so much fun! I'm also going to the fair tomorrow and 6 flags Mexico City soon, because I have 4 free tickets! :) yay missionary connections!!! Ok on to my day yesterday.

    

     If you get upset about the injustices in the world very easily, I advise you to not keep reading. 

     Well first off, it was my turn to make breakfast, again for people who know me, I hate cooking, even in American so think about me trying to cook, by myself at 7 am in a foreign country, yeah, I don't see a problem with it either,... NOT. So, the night before I went to the store with the person who cooks everyday to buy stuff to make pancakes, which they call hotcakes here, weird, and unlike America, they have to add other things besides just water. So I stumbled out of bed into the tiny kitchen, to try to find things to make these so called hot cakes. I also had to try to make coffee, which is harder than you think on account that WHY WOULD THEY USE TO THE COFFEE MAKER! THAT'S ABSURD! So, I made some, but it was different, they also make cinnamon tea, my favorite, so I had to make all these hot cakes in a tiny one pancake at a time thing, it was actually quite exciting. I actually succeeded and everyone was happy!  Then it was my turn for devo. Now, the last time we had devo we started an encouragement thing and it was continuing so I figured I would just keep going, but as I started, they told me that was only for the days where it was prayer, this was devo. Now let me remind you, this is my knowledge going off the fact those prayer days and devo days are ALL in Spanish, so I think a bit of communication got lost in translation. So I got up, prayed really hard that God would miraculously make me spit out an hour devo off the top of my head, and well, HE DID. It was great! I somehow knew all the verses I wanted too! I love how God can do that. Then it was time to get ready to go to the city! They informed me that I couldn't bring anything valuable, I had to take my ring off, and I couldn't bring my camera, so unfortunately no pictures. The ride was long we live about an hour outside of the city, but the ride was never boring, I still get nervous whenever I get in a car here. Especially after yesterday I almost got in a car crash. Some car went right in front of us and we stopped an inch behind them. Always invigorating driving here. Then I saw another car actually hit another one, nothing drastic, but it's normal here. So we finally arrived at Ricardo's, (my base director) mother's house. She was super sweet and fed us the BEST food I've had here so far. Then we set out. We walked to a place with fountains, I have no idea what it was called, but on my way there I learned some things. We walked past a huge statue where I saw people laying underneath it, and a park with people sleeping on the ground, and now I'm not talking about a nice picnic and a nap, this was their life. I asked about it, Neil (staff at the base) informed me that almost all or at least most of the homeless people used to live underneath that statue but the police told them they couldn't because of all the tourists that come, they want to make Mexico cleaner. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YES PLEASE LET’S JUST HIDE ALL THE HOMELESS PEOPLE, THAT'LL FIX THINGS. So we started praying at the fountain place to ask God what the base should do, because they have been doing ministries there for 3.5 years, should they move on, or keep going. We were praying, as I was looking at the fountain watching a homeless person try to sneak a bath really quick before anyone could see. I'm already at the point of tears but yet we keep walking. We went to the place that the homeless called home since they were kicked out of the other place. It was behind a cement wall, with a tiny, I mean for like one person opening. I wanted to see, they warned me, I still wanted to see, but first we bought soda to give to them and just tried to talk to them and hang out with them. We sat on the sidewalk outside the cement wall, and talked and watched people "work". One of the main ways to get pesos here is by cleaning windshields at stop lights. They get one or two pesos, which are about 10 to 20 cents, my friends. That's what they do,... for their work... As we were just sitting there, I asked Neil to take me in. He did, I walked in, and was heartbroken. They had made tent like things with sticks, blankets and tarps in a dump. Yes, I'm very serious when I say a dump, all of the trash was there, but it was their home. Their home sweet home. I couldn't help but to cry. I watched as a mother was caring for her baby in her shack. They inhale paint thinner, it's the main drug here, really cheap, and I watch as every person is "huffing". It kills the pain of being hungry, so instead of trying to find food, they kill away their feelings, even better. We hung out with them for a bit. They we moved on to the prostitution areas, need I tell you we stopped and prayed about every half an hour for all this, just to really seek God out. They warned me once again. Prostitution isn't illegal in Mexico, so coming from the states where it is, this was all very new to me. There are rules though. REALLY? RULES ABOUT PROSTITUTION,... WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO? They can't prostitute past a certain time and can't have too much skin showing at a certain time. I walked past maybe 20 to 25 prostitutes in one block. They just stand there, waiting for someone to come take advantage of them for money. They sell themselves, and they look dead in their eyes, no life, only shame. They all wear shoes that look like they kill your feet, and little to no clothes, and I was cold yesterday, so that must mean they were too, I was actually wearing normal clothes. We prayed a lot for them. It kills me that they are ok with that life, but also, some of the homeless people have chosen that lifestyle as well. I watched as the next building to the homeless the police we standing on guard with their giant guns, and how the police were just watching as the prostitutes just stand,.. and wait,.. and wait... There was a place they called the "cat walk" where the girls would line up, strut themselves off, and guys could just take their pick. Absolutely disgusting. We started to head back, but first we hung out with another family the base had known for a few years. A man and his wife and their three kids stood on the corner washing windows. I sat on the sidewalk wondering how people live this way. I look at another statue that looks so beautiful on the outside, yet behind it, there was another shack, if you can even call it that with people sleeping in it, what else can they do? How can something that looks so beautiful up front be so ugly in the back? I thought the jungle was hard; yeah well this is the concrete jungle. We headed back to Pachuca. I was pretty shooken up. Then oh goodness, silly me, I was cold last night, I felt horrible thinking about all the cold people in the streets right now, as I snuggled up with my blankets. All I could do was pray until I fell asleep. 

     Please pray that the base here will have clear direction in their next step and for me to continue with my outreach here with strength and wisdom :)

Hello Mexico

I guess I could start by saying I'm healed? Yeah that's a good place to start. I'm actually out of my bed and eating, somethings. I have to take is slow. I got my last shot today, finally no more bruises on my butt. Thank God.  Now I can actually do what I came here for, or so I thought. I don't exactly know anymore.  I had my plans but apparently God has His too. He's definately showing me how He will work everything out for His will. I'm usually the type of person to go go go, and here I'm realizing I'm working more in the base with the people here than anything, also I haven't really been healthy to go out that much. You know, the mindset of "I'm going to go to Mexico and save Mexico" well, more or less, now for me is, "I'm going to go to Mexico, and help the people at the base be more equiped in their ministries." It's pretty hard to grasp, but is also extrmemly humbling. 
     
     My first teaching is on well gifts and strengths. I'm saying how it's a good idea to know the people that you are working with in a ministry on a pretty deep level to see where you can help and fit in. I find it really interesting also that the base director here wants me to teach them how to develop their slowly fading ministries, where on the other hand he is a father to a lot of the staff here as well as a couple girls he housed off the street. He teaches on the father heart of God, which is something very dear to my heart, especially now in this part of my life. He is like a father to me. Looking out for me. Trying to get me to have fun, not be sick, and grow with God. I think God is pretty funny. How He worked all this out, I have no idea, but He did. I'm learning how to rely on Him, and just focus on the little things as well. 


     We did Reto Urbano this weekend. It was pretty snazzy. There were about 8 kids. They showed up early on Saturday, and it began. We had some devotional time, (in spanish) some woship time that I played the piano for! (in spanish) a teaching on identity, (again in spanish) EVERYTHING is in spanish, I mean come on it's mexico, my point being, I understood it! They had an scavager hunt like thing, that sounded pretty great, and they we all headed out to the hospital to pass out bread and tea to the poeple waiting for their loved ones. We prayed for them as well. I was wandering around, pretty much scared to death, because I was wondering how I was going to walk up to a total stranger, talk to them and pray for them in spanish, but God told me to talk to a specific girl, so, well, I did. I asked her why she was here, and she told me her brother was having stomach problems, I KNEW IT. God likes to put two and two together. I explained that I knew how he felt, and I prayed, in spanish, or tried to, but it went semi well! The next day the whole group went to church then returned to sign contracts. I know it sounds intense and it is intense, they continue to come here once a month for a year, following a set of rules! Over all it went great!!!!


     Please be praying for encouragment, peace, love and for God's will to be done.


   

Props to Internet In Mexico

     It was basically killing me that I couldn't blog in Minnesota. I actually appreciate this. It's like a way to journal, but I can type, which is better for me, and the updates via e-mail,.... just weren't cutting it for me. I'm super stoked to be in Mexico, except for the fact that I was only physically healthy for 4 days. I then continued to get a stomach infection,.. joy of my life. I feel like I'm starving myself, but believeeee me, I'm trying so hard to eat. I went to the doctor, for 2 dollars, yes I said two dollars, and she poked my stomach and took my temperature, and prescribed drugs for me, two kinds, MASSIVE. The pills, yeah 6 dollars, loving the cheapness here. Still the fact that the pills are huge and I have to take one every 8 hours and one every 12 hours,.... meaning I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT 2 AM AND 6 AM,.... sucks. The one I have to take every 12 hours, if you have ever eaten grass when you were little, it tastes like that, only magnified by 10. So I was in bed for three days, feeling like I was just stick and bones,... UNTIL TODAY. I had quite the interesting talk with God, and laughed a little when He reminded me I should probably work off of His strength instead. yeah. The truth can smack you in the face sometimes. I was really struggling with letting the people at the base here take care of me, I didn't want to be a burden, yet God showed me that I needed to humble myself. The people are very lovable and kind and have no problem at all taking care of me. Shocker. Anyways. I ate soup today. You have no idea how successful that is. 


     So Mexico, what can I say. I love it, except for some of the food now,... scary. Oh well, the plants are awesome and there are cactus everywhere. EVERYWHERE. They even eat it,.. interesting. They also eat everything with tortillas. It's pretty normal here in a sense, they have walmart, starbucks, you know.. the usual, yet then you go into a house with cement floors, cement walls, steal doors, and tile bathrooms. Not to mention the fact that I constantly have to remind myself to throw the toilet paper in the trash can NEXT to the toilet. Ah, and taking a shower, well if you want hot water, its quite the task to get there. I have to go outside to the boiler, spin the top so it says "piloto" or something then I have to ignight the flame while holding the gas button and look for a flame then I need to press more gas, then I need to spin the thing again.... Its complicated, but its how we get hot water...DON'T DRINK THE WATER. EVER. Pretty laid back, breakfast at 8 lunch at 1 dinner at 6 or something, it really depends even. The people here actually trust me to roam the streets by myself, so the first couple of days I was with a friend I made here as she showed me the streets. I know my way around a bit, and IRONICALLY I'm actually usuaing my spanish skills. You know what I do hate thouhg, how its freeezzzzinngg in the morning hot in the afternoon, and cold at night, I just get confused it's too much for me. I actually miss America, yeah, I said it. Anyways one week down, and now that I'm better I can actually start teaching the people at the base some things I learned in SOMD. Then this weekend they have this ministry called "Reto Urbano" that involves teenagers who are willing to be discipled. So I'm gonna give my testimony and lead some worship. Then next week we're all going into Mexico City to work with the street kids ministry and go talk with some people in the prositution areas. YAY mission field!!!!! :)

The Clock Is Ticking

     The time is almost here for me to go! It seems like its come so fast. It just really hit me today when I realized I should probably pack. I'm stressed on a completely different level than last time I went. Last time I had no idea what to expect, even in the least bit. Now I have a pretty good idea of whats going to happen. I think you guys should all know what is really going down. 


     The lecture phase is June 26 - September 14, then the second phase the outreach phase is September 15 - November 17


    The topics that we'll be talking about are: Principles of Ministry through Community, Biblical Worldview, Cross-Cultural Communication, Spiritual Gifts and Strengths Finder for Ministry, Personal Evangelism, Principles of Leadership, Compassion in Ministry, Faith and Finances for Ministry, Communicating Your Message Well, Understanding World Religions and the Make-Up of Your City, and Practical Leadership and Discipleship


     Just a reminder,.... there are three choices I could make for the outreach, 1) Plan and set up and individualized outreach to a place, people group, or with another ministry that God has put on my heart, 2) plan and set up an outreach with one or more SOMD students and go as a small team, or 3) become part of the discipleship team by completing an internship with the DTS staff for the fall school, I would help lead an outreach, and that would be an extra three months. Personally I want to do the second option, but I have no idea until I get there and no clue what country I should go to yet anyway!


     I am nervous though, 5 months is a long time, and especially since when I leave I'm not coming back until I'm back from another country. I could randomly go to Antarctica and only have the summer clothes I packed for June! Crazy. It will be good to be back, I'm really excited to get back into the mission field!!! Its what I love to do! I'll be updating this as much as I can! Please be praying! I leave bright and early Sunday morning!!

About Time

     I figured it was about time that I updated this. Especially since there is oh so much to say, I have no idea where to begin. First off I'm sorry for not writing sooner, it's been crazy, on so many different levels. 
     Lets see. Yesterday was my last day waitressing at Johnny Rockets. I was actually really sad about it. Goodness gracious I have so much to say about that job. Now I can I don't know multitask more? And not be so stressed when I ahve to do a million things at once. I knew I worked there for a reason. I prayed before I went into the interview that if I was supposed to get the job that I would just get it there on the spot, and SURPRISE!!!! God is amazing, there are so many people there that are Christians or at least interested in God, and BAM I'm thrown in and asked all these questions and honestly, I love it, I love it so much! I met some awesome people. So I didn't technically quit, I put in a leave of absence , so when I come home from my awesome adventures, then said they would take me back with open arms. Yes, Yes all this is awesome, but that isn't even the best part. The other day I was waiting on these two how would you say, business men. We were talking, they seemed very nice, and we started talking about traveling, and for those of you who know me, that's one of my favorite things to talk about. So I ended up telling them about how  I went to Peru, and why. THEY. WERE. FASCINATED. So one of the nice men just happened to be the highest of the management of 6 flags theme park here in Queensbury. So I was excited when my supervisor came running to me telling me that he loved me! The next day as I was just doing my job he came and asked me if I would be interested in telling "my story" to his "high staff" meeting he is having on Tuesday. Of course I would! Another opportunity to spread the word! I can't wait! So this is an awesome thing! Then one of my supervisors asked me to come speak at his church, both of the men told me that I could be an inspiration to 6 flags as well as the youth around this community!
     Enough about my job, more about everything else. Well I leave in a week, and honestly I've been having mixed feelings. I've never known so strongly that God wanted me to do something that I'm not comfortable doing. The thought of going back almost disturbs me. I'm afraid. I know I shouldn't be. A few reasons, my dad is still on my mind, especially with today being fathers day.  I'm also comfortable here, I love my job, I love my friends and my family. Its. just. comfortable. At the same time that I'm feeling like this, my heart is aching, and I mean begging to be in the mission field again. It's my passion and I can't turn away from it. In anything, anywhere. I have to. Do. Go. and Be, be who God wants me to be and He has made is so clear. I need to go. God also informed me that I shouldn't not do something He wants me to do just because I'd be uncomfortable. Crazy, where does my comfort come from anyway? That's right Him. He'll give my my strength, comfort, and value all along the way.  I'm slowly getting more excited the more I think about it, the more I look at my BRAND NEW PARALLEL BILIGUAL BIBLE! 5 months. The longest I've been away from home straight. I'm ready. I have no clue where my outreach is, but of course I'll be updating you guys as much as I can. Please, Please, be praying for clarity, strength, comfort, and guidance!!!

Moving Up

     I probably figured I should blog about everything that is going on. I'm actually doing pretty well. God is my strength and He has definitely shown up for me in my hard times. I'm working at both my jobs, but the past couple of weeks there hasn't been alot of rooms in the hotel where Johnny Rockets is, which means, we get bad service. It's called a "dark week". I do enjoy waitressing alot, I'm getting very good at it too, not to mention the fact that there are people at work who are really interested in God, and I'm always just randomly there when they ask questions. When I was looking for a job, I was praying about where I should get it, and now I know why I'm here! God works in mysterious ways! and I love HIM lots!!
     Things are really looking up with the YWAM preparations! Being a waitress means I can deposit money daily into the account, and my birthday just passed, I'M 20!!! So my money of aging is going into the account also. Lately I've been feeling a stronger desire to leave too, to like go out into the mission field again. My heart is aching for it! There is so much to do around here too! I'm really excited! I'm also driving to Minnesota, with my friend Cait and Ahnna. That should be quite fine, and quite the adventure. We are leaving June 20 something, I'll let all of you know the details, dates and money soon! I have quite the good amount of money saved up about 2500! I'm gonna keep working hard, and keep praying!! Please keep me and my family in your prayers!!

Now What?

     Ok, soooo,... I'm here, sitting on my floor, stuffing my face with chocolate and ice cream. I know this usually happens after break ups, or other things in that category, but for me I guess this is just one of the ways I grieve my dad's death. By the way,... my dad passed away on Monday around 11 pm. It was quite interesting actually. The few days I saw my dad before he died I would learn so much about my family's past it sickened me. To the point where I was confused on if I was stressed more over the drama of my ridiculous family or the fact that my dad was lying there almost in a coma, dying. So around 10:30 pm I sat there,... wondering and getting myself all worked up over something that wasn't worth my time. I was thinking about it more that my dad, and even more than God. Not spending time with Jesus, and filling my mind with all these thoughts of what happened in the past and who my family was. It didn't even matter. It was pointless. I left everything I was doing, and went to be alone. I prayed and prayed. Poured out my heart to God, and cried. I realized that in all actuality, I wasn't letting my dad go at all. I sat there the day before holding his hand telling him it was ok to go, but really I was holding on. I was holding onto all the things that caused me pain. All the things I wish I could have changed, all the things I wish were different about what happened and what my family did. All the things,... that were done and never could be changed. I almost in a way felt hypocritical. I went to YWAM and learned all about forgiveness and how important it was, and here I am not even thinking about it. So,... I did. I forgave not only my dad for everything but for my family and chose to continuously be forgiving towards them... I came back to the real world around 11 pm, at peace, and full of the joy of God, then as God had prepared me, we got the phone call that my dad took his last breath. I cried as that is normal, but I knew that God had prepared me for it. 
     I took the next day off, and had a few friends over, each one bringing chocolate. Oh how chocolate is good for the soul :) Don't worry guys I poured my self out to God first.  He is of course where my ultimate peace, joy, and comfort comes from. I did work the day after, but the next day, I had to come home early from work. So as you may be able to tell, I do have my good days and bad. I don't really know what sets me off, and honestly if you ask me how I am, I usually don't have a straight up answer. I'm as good as I can be I guess. I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to grieve, but what I just recently discovered is that even this, me writing about this is making me move on. I do let myself cry, unlike my past, where I was too afraid to cry. I allow myself to be sad, and confused, for I know God will show me clarity. I honestly have no idea how I could possibly be even remotely ok if it wasn't for God. Even though my earthly father has died, my Heavenly father lives and will always and forevermore. It is going to be hard, you know, my birthday is in a couple of weeks. I usually spent a little bit of time with him, and on Fathers Day, I'll be a wreck, and don't even get me started on my wedding. All I know is that I have to take it one day at a time, and God has a bigger and better plan, and I can't stress about my future now. If God can worry about a bird, than I am defiantly worth His time. I know that this isn't goodbye, it's merely see you later. I know I'll see him in Heaven. I do feel like I had closure, but I feel like with someone you love, closure at death is never enough. I am ok with everything that happened. I can face it, I can't change it, but it will always hurt. He wasn't my best friend, not even close, but he was my father. He tried his best, but he was still learning too. He helped make me the strong person that I am today. He made me be independent. He tried, but most importantly, he loved me. I know he's looking down on me now smiling, and I promised him when he was dying I was going to make him so proud and I plan on keeping that promise. I will never forget the good times. I will be the best I can be for him and of course for my heavenly dad.
     So here is whats going on.  I've been working really hard to get to the second school for YWAM money is scarce at the moment but I'm not giving up. I know God wants me to go there, and I know that that will be a very good place for me to continue my grieving process. I can't want to be with my YWAM family again too. This Thursday is the funeral, and I'm not really sure what to think about it. So if you guys could continue to pray for me and my family that would  be awesome. I'll be sure to write again soon :)

Coming to an end

     Job is going well!!! I'm making bank sonnn! 92 in tips the other day, on a Wednesday morning. Things are looking up in that aspect. Seeing my friends alot before I leave, definitely a good thing as well. One thing I do hate though about that job, there is so much drama, it's a little bit insane. So many people are dating, or trash talking the others. I stay clear away from it. I do feel that I'm doing well waitressing, but I'm also going back to Minnesota soon!
     I'm really excited about it, also excited to see beautiful Minnesota in the summer, with a pool, heck ya! I can't wait to see what God does it my life this time, if he changed me this much just in the first school, what more can he do for me in the second. Especially because I love like counseling people and just all around talking to them, and helping. So looking forward to this second school by far.
     My dad hasn't been the best... ha, who am I kidding, he is miserable... I went to visit him today. His liver is failing, and his lungs are full of liquid, he's on so much morphine, he can't even talk, or hear us talking most of the time. It's really sad seeing him like this. He has no color in his skin, and they of course took his dentures out. My dad did conquer a long lived goal today, my brother, sister, and I were all in the same room today. Longest time I've ever been with my brother. Sad it had to be like this, but good that we were finally together. We all sat in the room with him, telling him we loved him, wishing we all could say so much more. When it finally came to me, I couldn't find the words to say to him to make everything ok, honestly I will never have full closure with him I feel. I really just have to trust that God will heal me completely. There is so much more that I have to deal with, with all of this that is under the surface. For all of us, at least my brother and sister. My family isn't the best, and I am so grateful for my friends that are like my family. I'm not at the best state of mind right now. I'm praying for comfort and clarity. There is so much going on in my head right now. So much that I can't even thing straight. I know that God has a reason for everything that happens. I know that He is close to the broken hearted. I know that He will give me all the strength that I need to carry on. I know He will, but I also know that there is a time to mourn, and now is my time. I am happy at the fact that even though my dad is barely responsive, he did answer me and tell me he loved me too. I just wish he wasn't in pain. I wish this was easy, I wish he didn't have to go, I wish so many things, but there is a bigger and better plan. There is no pain where he is going anyways. You know. I understand, so many unfortunate kids with no parents, so much sickness in the world, so much pain, I almost feel selfish to say that I'm too young for him to go right now. I'm stuck between the missionary mindset, and the young adult who just wishes she could have some more time with her father. I wish I could spend one more day with him, one last time. I wish I could have an actual conversation with him, knowing for a fact that he can understand everything I'm saying. I don't even remember that much before he was sick. I can't live with all these regrets, I feel like it's all my fault for not trying harder, but what more was I supposed to do? I ran away for so long, it's too late to go back now. He wasn't the best father by far, but he was still my dad. I don't want to have to look back and say I didn't know what I had until it was gone. I don't want to be like that. All I can do at this point is pray to God, pray to my Heavenly Father. Receive my comfort and joy from Him, That will never run out at least. I know I can rely on Him. Please keep my dad, and my family in your prayers.

Long Visit....

First off, I'm going to warn you guys. When I go to Minnesota, I can't use this blog on a regular basis, but I will as much as I can get to internet places. I was going to try wordpress, but even the site was slower than anything... and I customized this and made it my own. So while I'm there, if I need to say something I'll e-mail you guys just tell me if you want me to put you on my newsletter group. Then when I get to the internet outside the base I'll publish all of my writings to my blog :) ahhh!

     Ok, so today I went to see my father. It actually went well, we prayed, and I tried to get him to understand that he is dying, he's still in denial, which  hurts all of us even more. He is just angry in general, and not wanting to listen, so frustrated and confused. He feels like he  needs to make up the past 10 years he hasn't had with me. We all know that isn't going to happen, and I don't know what I can possibly do to make him see. All I can do is pray, and be there and let him know I  love him. I even bought him a squirrel, weird I know, but he likes squirrels,... He is in a lot of pain, and I guess that doctors gave him like three weeks, but we really don't know.. He's been accepted to a house like place, kinda like a nursing home I'm guessing, in Saratoga. We'll see how that goes, he is supposed to be released from the hospital on Monday.

     I'm going again tomorrow! I"ll let you guys know how it goes.

     God is so amazing, He is my comfort and my shelter, my peace and my hope. Also my friends and family are really awesome! Thanks guys for everything!!

Interesting Time...

     This Sunday I had a presentation for Peru at my local church. It actually went surprisingly well. People were very interested in what I had to say, and what my newly knowledged brain had to offer. We put up donation baskets, and I received a good sum of money :) SOMD here I come!!! I played the slide show I made for my YWAM DTS graduation, and hearing all the laughing and the "aweees" was just awesome. It was just really good for my home church to really understand my goals and dreams, and it meant alot to know that they were all there supporting me and praying for me.
    It was good trying to explain things, but it was also hard for me because, honestly, I didn't know how to answer all the questions asked of me. Questions like, "So, what do the people in Peru do all day?", or "So, where do they bathe?" It just kills me, but I do the best explaining I can. I miss the people there, and I just wish there was more I can do, but all I can do is pray at the moment.
     As of now, I am working two jobs! Although, hours around here are slim in both work areas. I still work at Tommy Hilfiger, going on, I do believe 5 years!! Now, I also waitress at a place some of you may be familiar with, Johnny Rockets. I like it alot, and I need money for SOMD, so might as well have fun while I'm doing it. I enjoy the people I work with, I get talk to people, in fact the more you interact with the customers, the better! I even get to dance to old fifties songs! I have to wear a red ribbon in my hair and a black bow tie, and listen to fifties songs ALL. DAY. LONG. I love it.
     Another thing. As some of you may know, my father is very sick. In fact, we are pretty sure it won't be another month. He has cancer in his kidneys, and liver, and now apparently he has pneumonia. He is on morphine and I know its coming to an end. I honestly don't know how I'm feeling about all this. I guess you could say I have my good times and my bad times. Sometimes I just want to spill my guts, others I just will sit in complete silence, contemplating all my thoughts. Sometimes I just break down in fear, others I'll be laughing. I hope I don't slowly get to a numb state. I constantly pray to God to save me from this coming grief, yet there is a time to grieve. God is my shelter and my comfort though. He is close to the broken hearted. Please keep him in your prayers...

The Beginning

This. Is. My. Life.
     The past five months of my life have been pretty spectacular. Some of you know, I’ve been at YWAM Minneapolis. The first three months were a lecture phase, where we had a special speaker come in every week and talk about a certain subject that whole week. Then after those three months we went on an outreach to another country for two months. My outreach was Peru. Ok, let me give you all the details now.
     Let me tell you guys a little bit more about what YWAM really is. It was founded in 1960 by Loren Cunningham. Pretty amazing story. He was a very radical missionary for God, and God told him very clearly that he was supposed to get young people together to bring them on missions. Its all explained in the book called Is that really you, God?  It’s a very good book. We had to read it during lecture phase. There up to 17,000 staff, 30,000 students, in at least 170 different countries, with at least 1,200 bases all over the world. Here are the foundational beliefs that hold all the YWAMs together
1)      The Bible is the authoritative word of God
2)      We have one purpose, to grow with God and know God
3)      We all can hear God’s voice
4)      We practice worship and intercessional prayer
5)      We are visionaries
6)      We are broad structured and decentralized
7)      We are international, interdenominational
8)      We have a Biblical world view
9)      We function in teams
10)   We are leaders in serving
11)   We act first, then teach
12)   We are relationship orientated
13)   There is a very strong value of individuals
14)   We are family orientated
15)   We raise all our support J
16)   We practice hospitality
     Now my base has DTSs which is a Discipleship Training School, which is what I just attended, Mission Adventures, which is almost like a minnie DTS that takes people that are still in high school on short term mission trips every summer, Local Outreaches, and Kids Against Hunger, which packs food and sends it to kids all over the world. The last school that you can do is called SOMD school of ministry development.
     During those first three months we heard talks on subjects like
1)      Hearing God’s Voice
2)      Strategic Missions
3)      Relationships
4)      Social Justice and the Goodness of God – very emotional week!!!
5)      Studying the Bible
6)      Identity and Destiny – very awesome week!!!
7)      Nature and Character of God
8)      The Father Heart of God
9)      The Devine Plumline
10)   Making Choices that Honor God
11)   Spiritual Warfare
     During that time we had things like small groups once a week, where we could get out what we were processing, we also had a “one on one” assigned to each person as a way to verbally process alone what was stirring in each one of us.  We had to read a book every two weeks and answer questions about it. We had local outreaches once a week as well. The students had two options, helping kids at a trailer park called Corcoran Trailer Park with their homework or just spending time with them, or what I did going to the Tibetan Kids Club. We got together in an after school program with a bunch of little Tibetan Kids and tried to teach them Christian morals and about God as secretly as we could, so their parents wouldn’t get mad and keep them from coming. Every day we had “work duties” for two hours. Some had to cook, others clean, or work on maintenance. Every morning we had quiet time for an hour before anything else. Monday we had worship after quiet time. Tuesday we had worship and intercession, Wednesday we had all the people working at the base together for intercession. Thursday we had worship and intercession. Friday we had small group intercession. Also!!! Every Thursday night at 7 we had family night, where anyone could come and we had worship then the speaker of that week would talk a little bit and we would have a testimony or two!!!
     So that was my first three months. I changed a lot even in those months, and I really thought that there wasn’t anything else I could learn on outreach, but we all know that God is never done with us…. Ha ha ha.  Out of the things I learned during that time, I learned that you probably will never be able to make everyone happy, or make everyone like you, and that is perfectly fine. God loves everyone, but it became more personal to me. God loved me. The prettiest thing I could imagine. God made that for me. He made it knowing that one day I would just stare and wonder in its beauty!!!
     Now if you think all of this is amazing, news for all of you,… it only gets better. For the outreaches we had two options. Russia or Peru. I had plans on going to Peru but I still prayed about in non-the-less. God informed me, quite amusingly, that why would he give me such a passion for Latino culture, language, food, and music if he was only going to send me to Russia,… Also in my praying, I had a vision of me walking through the jungle to a river and kids laughing all the way.  So to all or yours surprise,… I CHOSE PERU!! YAY!
     We set out on our way. 7 of us and two staff flew from Minneapolis to Atlanta, then from Atlanta to Lima. Easy right,… NOT!!! For some odd reason, can’t think of what that could be, everywhere we went something went wrong. HMM, stupid satan. Anyways. When leaving to go to Atlanta, our flight was delayed and we didn’t have much time to get to the layover. When we arrived to Atlanta, we ran, I mean RAN to our gate, only to find that the plan left without us. So we were stuck in Atlanta for the night. I do have to say though our spirits were quite high, we sat in the airport singing praise songs!! We weren’t going to let satan win anything. Delta gave us vouchers for food and gave us all hotel rooms until we could leave the next evening. So that is exactly what we did!! The next day we flew safely to Lima! We stayed in Lima that night at the YWAM base there. Then the next day we flew into Iquitos which is the city we were in if we weren’t in the jungle.
     We arrived in Iquitos set up our stuff, met the people at the base! We had a great time exploring the city. We helped out at the base too. We sanded doors for them,  and visited churches. We were only in the city for three days since we were behind. Then we were off to the jungle!!! On our first trip we went to San Jose, San Juan, Shapahesja, Lorencio Prado, and Fortuna. While we were there we dug two wells, and we saved enough to have a third well installed in another village that we went to on the second trip. We deparasited, evangelized, had youth programs, and we had church services every night. We also had someone of us preach or give testimonies along with dramas we did. EVERY NIGHT! Also in the first village, we had a mini youth camp. Which I want to say is like YWAM but in three days. All of us prepared a teaching or two that we had to give in front of all the youth. I had teachings on relationships and inner healing. It actually went very well!!! After about two weeks in the jungle we went back to Iquitos.
     Back at the base we had lots of work ahead of us. We had a youth program in one of the churches called “Bella Luc” beautiful light. We painted a church called “Four Square” and we cleaned, chipped off paint, and repainted a Christian Missionary Alliance Church. We spent a lot of time there. We got to clean the cement floors with brooms, water, and laundry detergent, (don’t worry this is normal). Then we had to get ladders throw water on the building chip off the paint and paint it NEON GREEN, (don’t worry this is normal too). After all our working we did go out to eat a few times, we really enjoyed the Chifa, which is Peruvian Chinese food!!! Then went shopping with the street vendors, we really enjoyed our time.
     After all of this, for about a week in the city, we headed back to the JUNGLE!!!! This time we went to Dos de Mayo (yes second of May, I don’t understand either), Sucre, Bagasan, and Nueva York (yes New York, just in the jungle!!) We did the same things like deparasiting, evangelizing, church services, dramas, and so forth. In the first village we went to though, we have a great story. There was no church there or so we thought, but really there was, it was just abandoned.  We woke up early one morning, mowed the lawns (with machetes, its normal) and cleaned up the church as we washed the walls with brooms and the floors with brooms and soap as well, (normal). As we were cleaning, we stirred attention among the people who helped us out, and we had a church service in it the first day.  It was awesome!!!
     After about 15 days we went back to Iquitos. This time we worked with the alliance church a lot. We had a youth camp there for them This camp lasted about three days. It was awesome. The people were so receptive. After all of this, we actually got to go to the zoo! That was so much fun!!! I held a boa constrictor!! Ha ha ha.
     Ok here is what the jungle was like, my real living conditions that I didn’t really want to tell my mom about, buy hooray for being a radical missionary, sorry mom, its my job J. We slept in huts, if you will, more or less open aired sometimes walled things. The people were very very nice, most were receptive to God, others weren’t but that is always the way it goes, it can break your heart, but we are there to plant the seed, God will do the rest. There were always chickens, ducks, cats, dogs, rats, HUGE spiders, ants, any jungle things in our rooms. We slept in mosquito hammocks. We had to change behind sheets because well, there wasn’t always walls, in fact there was only walls around all the way once. Kids were always following us, and the villagers stare at us like we were at an exhibit. Most of them have never seen “gringos” a lot. We had to put bug spray on like every hour, even then my leg was covered, literally a bug bite every half an inch, guys I WISH  I was exaggerating. We bathed in the river, in our bathing suits, sometimes there was something for us to sit on, but it was always awkward because there were always people staring. Sometimes there was a well at the village where we could fill up buckets of water to pour it on ourselves with bowls. Our dirty clothes??? We washed them in the river with buckets and soap. We let it air dry with hopes there wouldn’t be ants on them when we took it off. Ants bite a lot down in Latin America and HARD. HMM BATHROOMS?? Yeah holes in the ground J sometimes they made the seat look like a toilet. In one village there was an actual toilet but we had to flush down the objects with water we got from the well, hard work,… A lot of us just went wherever we could find a place, I won’t get into details if you don’t want to hear them, but I’ll answer any questions you have!! It was very hot, and humid, after bathing, you didn’t know if you were still wet or sweating again. Yes I was scared every night but I have something that will protect me from anything GOD J
     This whole experience taught me more than I could every express to you all in words. Those of you that see me will have to just watch me. But I will try to tell you all I can.  I learned that my value only comes from God, no one else. I should be at such a place with God that anyone can come up and say the foulest thing to me and I’ll be ok because I know what God says about me is true. Also why do people get upset if people are mad at them, is it for selfish reasons, is it “why is she or he mad at me???? I just want everyone to like me!!” or is it “why is he or she mad, what can I do to fix this and how can I change, how did I offend them” I can’t please everyone, and I’m  not the savior of the world. I can’t do anything on my own and its foolish to try and play God and try to do so. I’m in love with God, and I know He listens to the tiniest thing from me. He has a sense of humor and He wants to give me everything I need. He was always there and will always be there. He wants to love me more than anyone in this world ever can. He wants to fill the hole I have, He wants to show me the world. He hates seeing me in pain, but if I just ask Him, he takes it away so quick. He can talk to other threw me. It’s awesome! I’m glad I have such a gift, also I happen to be quite empathetic, I’m still trying to figure that. I also have this thing were I love to counsel others, still practicing that too, because I obviously can’t do any of this with out Him!!! Anything that you “can’t” live without or anything that you go to when you are upset can turn into a god. I realized that when I’m upset I go straight to music. I was praying the first days and God told me to fast my ipod, I just about had a fit but I agreed. Now when I have issues, I go straight to God, and hey, they get fixed faster, WEIRD!! I also learned, yes I have been hurt in my life, but not letting others in can potentially hurt me more. I am more open, I’ve learned it’s ok to cry, it isn’t a sign of weakness, it shows I can feel and instead of just stuffing down my emotions and not dealing with them, I deal with them I tell how I am feeling and I’m not afraid to be myself and be completely raw before others, even if I do get hurt, God will never reject me. This was very hard for me and took a lot of time, but thank God, God is patient!!!!  I am extremely blessed. I have also found out what my passion in life is. Besides being a missionary and helping people, I want to work with street kids in South America somewhere. If God’s will to go back to Peru, so be it. I have no idea for now.
     My plans so far are, In June, June 26th the second school for YWAM starts, I’m saving up right now.  The topics are:
1)      Principles of Ministry through Community
2)      Biblical Worldview
3)      Cross-Cultural Communication
4)      Spiritual Gifts and Strengths Finder for Ministry
5)      Personal Evangelism
6)      Principles of Leadership
7)      Compassion In Ministry
8)      Faith and Finances for Ministry
9)      Communication your Message Well
10)   Understanding World Religions and the Make-Up of Your City
11)   Practical leadership and discipleship
     It’s a lot like the DTS but more independent now. For example after the first three months, your option for outreach is, alone, where you make  up everything,  with one or more other people, or you help staff the next DTS and then go on outreach with the students. I have been praying and I think that God wants me to do that one. I love counseling others and helping people, and why not practice there.
     I really feel very strongly that God wants me to attend this school. The classroom phase is $2750, outreach phase is $1500 plus airfare to where ever we are going. The difference is, if I’m doing the staffing of the next DTS the finances are different, after lecture phase, its $342 a month, so I would be needing constant support. The school starts June 26th, and doing the internship staffing I would be returning around this time next year. I would be gone for about 8 months. This is something I feel I need to do, especially with all the people I went to DTS with. I made friendships with them like no other, and they all know me more than anyone, and it’ll be good to continue friendships that we all worked so hard on making. Please pray, and if you would like to donate anything please contact me. Also if you have any questions about anything go ahead and ask, I’d love to share!!! Thank you for your time! Sorry it’s so long, but its my past nine months!!! I also promise to write this newsletter thing once a week on updates. Thank you!!! And God Bless!!