Coming to an end

     Job is going well!!! I'm making bank sonnn! 92 in tips the other day, on a Wednesday morning. Things are looking up in that aspect. Seeing my friends alot before I leave, definitely a good thing as well. One thing I do hate though about that job, there is so much drama, it's a little bit insane. So many people are dating, or trash talking the others. I stay clear away from it. I do feel that I'm doing well waitressing, but I'm also going back to Minnesota soon!
     I'm really excited about it, also excited to see beautiful Minnesota in the summer, with a pool, heck ya! I can't wait to see what God does it my life this time, if he changed me this much just in the first school, what more can he do for me in the second. Especially because I love like counseling people and just all around talking to them, and helping. So looking forward to this second school by far.
     My dad hasn't been the best... ha, who am I kidding, he is miserable... I went to visit him today. His liver is failing, and his lungs are full of liquid, he's on so much morphine, he can't even talk, or hear us talking most of the time. It's really sad seeing him like this. He has no color in his skin, and they of course took his dentures out. My dad did conquer a long lived goal today, my brother, sister, and I were all in the same room today. Longest time I've ever been with my brother. Sad it had to be like this, but good that we were finally together. We all sat in the room with him, telling him we loved him, wishing we all could say so much more. When it finally came to me, I couldn't find the words to say to him to make everything ok, honestly I will never have full closure with him I feel. I really just have to trust that God will heal me completely. There is so much more that I have to deal with, with all of this that is under the surface. For all of us, at least my brother and sister. My family isn't the best, and I am so grateful for my friends that are like my family. I'm not at the best state of mind right now. I'm praying for comfort and clarity. There is so much going on in my head right now. So much that I can't even thing straight. I know that God has a reason for everything that happens. I know that He is close to the broken hearted. I know that He will give me all the strength that I need to carry on. I know He will, but I also know that there is a time to mourn, and now is my time. I am happy at the fact that even though my dad is barely responsive, he did answer me and tell me he loved me too. I just wish he wasn't in pain. I wish this was easy, I wish he didn't have to go, I wish so many things, but there is a bigger and better plan. There is no pain where he is going anyways. You know. I understand, so many unfortunate kids with no parents, so much sickness in the world, so much pain, I almost feel selfish to say that I'm too young for him to go right now. I'm stuck between the missionary mindset, and the young adult who just wishes she could have some more time with her father. I wish I could spend one more day with him, one last time. I wish I could have an actual conversation with him, knowing for a fact that he can understand everything I'm saying. I don't even remember that much before he was sick. I can't live with all these regrets, I feel like it's all my fault for not trying harder, but what more was I supposed to do? I ran away for so long, it's too late to go back now. He wasn't the best father by far, but he was still my dad. I don't want to have to look back and say I didn't know what I had until it was gone. I don't want to be like that. All I can do at this point is pray to God, pray to my Heavenly Father. Receive my comfort and joy from Him, That will never run out at least. I know I can rely on Him. Please keep my dad, and my family in your prayers.